The Fat One in the Room

I have begun my exercising regime to accompany my diet regime in the hopes that by the end of the summer I'll actually be someone that doesn't deserve her own zip code. Toward that end I began cardio-kickboxing tonight. There are always mirrors everywhere in these rooms. Now, twelve years ago when I did aerobics, I didn't mind the mirrors. I was hot. I was skinny, but not grossly skinny, healthy skinny. I liked to watch myself work out. And I would pity the women in the room who were fat. Tonight, I could not bear to look at myself in the mirror and as I glanced around (between almost having a heart attack and almost throwing up -- how many friggin' sit ups are we doing anyway?!?) I realized, I was the fat woman to be pitied. I am now the fat one in the room. Can I email somehow my 21 year old self and say DON'T LET IT GO TO CRAP!!!

Meme from Dr. Tomorrow

I have been tagged. I am so excited since this has never happened before. And of course, if we were playing tag I'd be it since it takes me so damn long to respond.

I am sitting in my office avoiding research.
I want to get my encyclopedia entries done so I can work on my journal and resubmit.
I wish my baby had survived because it'd be fun to have a kid to screw up (mostly if you want a punk rocker as a kid, you have to screw him or her up).
I love my spouse and the pets and my good friends.
I miss days with no complications and no need for therapy.
I fear that I will never be recognized as a scholar.
I hear some funky 80s music playing on the radio -- Howard Jones.
I wonder how it is possible for a labrador retriever to be allergic to pollen and have to take 6 giant pills a day and have to be sprayed on his belly.
I regret being angry with people for stupid stuff.
I am not sure how I will survive my diet as I am SOOOO hungry.
I dance when I take a shower.
I sing a bit out of key but only in my car.
I cry when I see babies (this is a new phenomenon and maybe after therapy I will regress to my I NEVER CRY bitchy self).
I am not always hanging out with good friends which bums me out.
I write poorly unless I write often.
I make people pissy when I am honest.
I confuse my grandmother since I have kept my last name, wear my hair long, and have a career.
I need a cookie, or candy, or pizza, or any food that is NOT a lean cuisine.
I should exercise more and eat less.
I start my exercise regimen tomorrow at 7am...ooof.
I finish projects better when I have a deadline.

Gardening

Today I had a fantastic moment during which an old woman down the street walked by and told my husband and me that our yard looked great and we were good neighbors. This is a fantastic moment because you always want someone to walk by and tell you your yard looks great. Especially old women who have the most to bitch about. This is kind of a funny moment because we are good neighbors because our yard looks good. I mean I thought I'd be good because I didn't play music loudly, I didn't work on my car in my driveway, I didn't dance naked on my deck. But apparently our goodness was predicated on our planting pretty flowers.

Cinco de Mayo

Today is the fifth of May. What is very cool here on the 5th of May is the only reason I have a pc and not a Mac has just changed. SPSS (which used to be exclusively for pcs) has a version for mac. And I think I am going to the apple store...oh god...I should really not go to the apple store. But I really want to go to the apple store because I really want a cute compy.