Lacrosse Culture

Last night I attended a high school lacrosse game. I sat with some of my adult friends, which was fabulous because they go with me so I have someone to talk to, and listened to a pack of teenage girls behind me planning how they can marry certain boys on the lacrosse team. Here in Utah the teenagers don't actually want to have sex with each other, they want to get married. So instead of planning how to get into someone's pants, they plan on how to spend the rest of their miserable lives together. Interesting.

But I digress. My husband is the assistant coach for a high school lacrosse team that is ranked first in its division. It's good he's assistant because he has no head for the managing aspects required of a head coach. I am a good wife so I go and watch these games. I have sat in the freezing cold with no one talking to me for hours just to watch him yell at high school kids from across the field. I have gone to lacrosse banquets to support his involvement in this sport. I enjoy it. I enjoy watching him do something that he so clearly loves. It makes my heart happy that he is happy.

But sometimes I get annoyed at the lacrosse culture. Or, the culture of Utah lacrosse that has many many many stay at home moms whose entire lives are devoted to their children and they have nothing else to think about. I don't have too much in common with these women - not to say I judge them or think they made the wrong choice, it's just not a choice I would ever make - so I generally do a lot of nodding and smiling and kind of hoping maybe someone will say something interesting.

Last night a woman I have never seen says to me, "I hear congratulations are in order," I look at her blankly - I'm not sure who she is or why I should be congratulated - she follows up with "when are you due?" Ahhh, it has become clear, she is asking about the parasite. The parasite about which I have been very quiet given my own experience, even though I am sure this growth is doing fine. The parasite which currently is a medical condition - and I am one of those people who thinks you don't discuss private medical conditions with random people so only my dearest and nearest know about it. The parasite with whom this woman will never have an interaction. She somehow deems it her right to have access to our private life. I say, "August." She then proceeds to tell me how awful it will be to have a child in August, she having had 2000 children and all the best ones were born in January. I sit there and wait for some divine intervention to save me from this ridiculous onslaught of unsolicited advice, I mean, it's not like I chose August (although if I could, given my career, August is a pretty damn good month, but she wouldn't understand that as she does not have a career). I squirm, biting my tongue on the nasty wit that tends to rise to the occasion to protect myself against these crazy people.

Later I say to my husband, "some woman I never met told me congratulations are in order." He kind of looks at me and says "oh yeah, the head mom in charge found out (via a friend which is not a big deal, not like it's a military secret or something) and asked and I said we were keeping it quiet." Ahhh. Quiet means telling all of the women that this coach's wife has finally achieved what clearly is every woman's dream and now she is in the club and we can talk to her.

Where in tarnation is my can of whoop ass!!!!

Bought the Parasite a Minivan

Yesterday the hubby and I joined the adult world and bought a minivan. My husband suffers from serious buyer's remorse so all night we had to deal with recriminations about how stupid we were to have made a purchase. But I, on the other hand, have no problem buying something and then actually enjoying it. So, here I am enjoying it:

It is a Kia Sedona. It's huge. It's the hugest car I have ever had (I'm a little sedan driver). It has enough space in the back if you pull out the seats to put a large bike lying down on its side with plenty of space. It pulls up to 4000 lbs (so if we ever have anything that big we can tow it somewhere if we have somewhere to tow it). It's glacier blue and gray on the inside. The glacier blue kind of looks silver in some lights. It has a 12 inch dvd player in the back with 4 headsets so whoever's in back (probably the parasite or one of us when we travel long distances) can watch a movie loudly and not bother anyone else. When you drive on the highway you can talk to people in the back and it's not like you're yelling at them. It does well up hills as it has a V6 engine (whatever the hell that means) so we can go skiing easily (unlike the protege which stalls going up our driveway). It's very comfortable! And if you crash into something all sorts of pillows jump out at you from all sorts of angles.

And, they gave us a box to put in the back of it to catch stuff. To which the husband replied, great we spent $24000 and they gave us a box.

You can never win with these people who don't like to purchase stuff!!

Shell-Shocked Students

Mostly I am a mean professor. I don't really care about students all that much, at least personally. I don't care what they had for breakfast. I don't care who they're dating. I don't care if they are liberal or conservative. I care that they are exposed to political science and learn the material so that they will analyze politics in the future. Period.

I care about some more personally because I get to know them outside of class. But inside class, I don't care. I am mean...mean...mean...No one will ever tell anyone that I was the best teacher they ever had, and I'm okay with that, as long as they tell people they understand politics reasonably and not passionately.

Which means I give hard assignments. But today, in the class I am sitting in as they are working, I gave an easy assignment. They are all surprised. They are all looking for the secret Murray trick that makes this assignment much harder than it is.

Students are funny.

Sneezy

Wasn't there a dwarf named Sneezy? Didn't Snow White just harass the bejesus out of him?

I am sick again. I am tired of being sick. My husband says I look pathetic, my students are wondering why I haven't cancelled class, and all I do is SNEEZE.

If I am allergic to something out here in Utah, which would be my first allergy ever in my life, I will be very angry with these Mormons. I mean, clearly, it would be their fault...

Ewww, I just sneezed all over my keyboard. How do you clean that up?

And Here I thought I was Well-Traveled

Back from Vacation

I was at a conference this past week. I discussed papers (in Political Science, one of the presenters is someone who's job it is to kick the authors' asses on their papers) and did pretty well. I presented a paper (and thank you fate for giving me the first time slot in the conference and the very last time slot in the conference) and did pretty well with that as well. I am always convinced that my mediocre intelligence will someday shine forth and someone will call the con for what it is: this woman clearly shouldn't be a PHD. She's an IDIOT! (I lack that male gene of total self-confidence) I took a meeting which has set me up for a major project over the next few years. Grant $$$. Come on come on. Many publications as well! Woo hoo. I was polished, I was fabulous, and I was the most professional I can be. Came away with many many ideas and many many questions about politics.

Arrived in my office today to many emails from students who were told by my department secretary that I was on vacation the last three days of school before spring break. ARGH! VACATION! The balloon deflates with a whimper.

Could this Cold Last Any Longer?

Two and a half weeks ago my very good friend decided to give me his nasty cold. As I am currently carrying a parasite that I would rather not see harmed, I cannot take any medicine for this nasty cold. So I have been eating many oranges, drinking much juice, and generally hacking my way through the days.

To add insult to injury, God has been dumping snowfall after snowfall on us. I can't even get out in some fresh air to try to clear up this cold. I am trapped indoors with many sick people in this germ factory!

But in the grand scheme of things, life is good. I was told I was making good progress toward tenure, yeah. I was told my little parasite is growing well and should make its appearance August 14th (as both Paul and I are born in August, on the 21st and the 28th respectively, we feel very strongly about the numerology), yeah. My mother is planning to move to Utah so that we don't have to pay for parasite care in the years to come, yeah.

All is good. And it is Lent, so um, good for that too.