Ciao 2009

Life is good. I have a job, a home, a healthy family, nothing to complain about. 2009 was good, 2010 will be even better! Here are my goals:

1. Get healthy. It's time to lose all the weight I have gained since I moved here and then some. It's time to get the body necessary to run around playing soccer and kickball with my children without losing my breath.
2. Be more patient. I oftentimes spend too much energy being annoyed with things I have no control over. I have found infinite patience with my 2 year old because I think she's adorable. I need to find that patience with my students, my husband, my pets, my friends and myself.
3. Be a better scholar. I need to spend more of my professional time doing political science and a little less time teaching and doing service. I miss doing papers, I miss asking questions. It's time to pick up those projects that are waiting for rewrites and get to work on them. There is time.
4. Get together with friends more. It's been a major life change for me to have two children. I have become much more Shrekish and I need to get out more. I need to ask people to watch the kids more and I need to be a better friend and not just squeeze them in when I have time. I need to make time.
5. Stop apologizing. I still do it, I still say I'm sorry all the time. Which makes the real apologies meaningless. I do not need to apologize for everything. I hear my daughter saying I'm sorry for things she has no need to apologize for, and I know she gets it from me. (I've been working on this one for years but this year I am going to do it!)

Blu Ray Stuff is Cool

We are almost all set up here. Just waiting for DirecTV to come and give us our HD box. But we now have internet streaming into our giant television - so we can movies from Netflix and we can get Pandora radio on our surround sound. Pretty cool stuff.

Weird Brushes with One's Past

Once upon a time, many many moons ago, I read the entirety of Sherlock Holmes. I remember lying in my bed at night reading and reading and reading - long before my bad taste in historical romance ruined my reading. I loved Sherlock Holmes. This explains my love for House, my love for CSI, my love for Bones and X-Files. The use of deductive reasoning, the use of forensic science, the use of logic to ascertain what is happening is eminently attractive to me. Data data data.

I had a yearning to go see Sherlock Holmes, thinking it was mostly my love for Robert Downey Jr, but while in the theater I remembered that I knew these stories. I remembered I knew the big bad. I had forgotten how much I knew but clearly my soul remembered and urged me to the movie on an impulse when our other plans fell through due to bad roads. After the movie, which I enjoyed despite the mating rituals of the teenagers sitting next to me, I rushed home and found my old leather bound Sherlock book waiting for me to rediscover him in my bookcase. This book has traveled with me from my childhood - from the house I grew up in to my house in Syracuse to my apartment in Ravena to my flat in Albany to my house in Utah - with my total loss of memory it was in my life. Unfortunately no one wrote in the front pages so I have no idea how I got it or who got it for me.

I am settling in to read it again and am feeling just a touch nostalgic about the fact that my young fingers traveled these pages years ago. I LOVE Holmes.

Morning with New Television

At 1230am last night we fed the baby and finally went to sleep - so the television is in. I think it looks good - the biggest problem was actually the sound system, which is not supposed to be a problem. I offered Paul a beer but he didn't think that would be helpful. We were very worried we had blown the subwoofer that is only a couple of years old - and then Paul realized he had the wires in wrong. Then everything was fine - for everyone.

This morning Lily came down and said "it's too high."

I love children.

Installing the New Television

We bought a new Plasma HD whatever blah blah blah snore television for my husband's Christmas gift. I saved for it, collected donations, and he thought and thought about what to get. It took months of agonizing about this decision.

First thing he suffered serious buyer's remorse. "I don't deserve the television." Seriously? We are in the Best Buy two days after Christmas with a toddler who is newly potty trained and a 3 month old infant. The infant slept, pretty much, the whole time. The toddler had to "try the potty" three times - which entails one of us rushing to the restroom - we have learned to scope out the facilities the second we walk into a store, we know all the restrooms now after years of never having used a public one - saying rather loudly, "try the potty try the potty." The toddler was also dismayed when some IDIOT decided to turn Cars off the televisions and put on True Blood - seriously? Now, I love Eric as much as the next kook, but seriously? She was not happy. Running around the store in her boots, jacket, sunglasses, mittens and hat. You never know when a blizzard with a major sunny day might just blow through the Best Buy. Oh - and - seriously? We're having buyer's remorse now? Who has time for this?

Second thing we broke down the old system. Let me explain this: when I first met my husband I think there were 45 remotes in his living room. You needed 5 to turn on the other 40 which then in some bizarre combination worked the sound, television, cd player, etc etc. I have begged for years for a single universal remote. These pleas apparently are in Swahili because he doesn't ever understand or hear them. Breaking down this system took quite a while. Then my husband read a book while I vacuumed and swept and generally got the areas ready for the new installation. His reading a book didn't bother me as I understand the low frustration tolerance we are working with here and that reading a book lowers his heart rate in preparation for the big project.

Third we built the new television's stand. Apparently these new televisions need magic stands which take 90 minutes to put together and weigh 129 pounds. We will never move this thing again - we will hire big men to move it when we have to move it. My husband and I are very synergistic when we put together furniture - so no big problems, just a lot of double checking the instructions. Because apparently instructions no longer have words.

Fourth he is putting back together the sound system with its 45 remotes. Well, all right, to be fair, I have him down to 5 remotes now. This system has 6 speakers, many wires, a receiver that pretty much could launch a shuttle to the moon and a whole bunch of cables. All of these cables look exactly alike but do many different things. The concern here is we are adding a Blue Ray - I have NO idea why but apparently we have to have one, I guess it will be cool to have Netflix stream directly to our television although I do worry a bit about the potential Post Office ramifications, I mean will people lose jobs? - and who knows what cable we are supposed to use. I have removed myself, because pretty much I am useless at this. I hear from the den low muttering sounds as my husband tries to figure out how all this goes together.

We started this whole process at 7pm. It is now 11pm. And we have yet to turn on the new television which will apparently change my life for the so much better.

Thank God for technology.

Like Granddaughter, Like Grandfather

My daughter opened and put on immediately the wings Santa brought. Then she opened and put on her sunglasses. Then she opened and put on the 10 headbands. She looked adorable.

And I remembered my father's 30th birthday (he was young when I was born so I actually remember this party) and how he opened and put on everything he was given. And his 50th birthday when he opened and put on everything he was given.

Genetics are very interesting...if only I could find one of those photos...

Shopping

With all due deference to my LDS friends, here is my experience shopping in Utah today.

I head out to the grocery store to buy food for Christmas Dinner. We are having roast beast accompanied by all sorts of goodies. I am wearing my iPod listening to fabulous music like Michelle Featherstone and Griffin House and Tristan Perryman (keeps me sane, otherwise I start a running commentary in my head of how many stupid there are in the world). I decide to buy my husband a case of beer for his Christmas dinner. Standing in line I am loading my stuff up onto the belt. I grab (while singing softly the music I am listening to) the case of beer, wrong as it turns out, and it slides down my body in slow motion to the floor where it explodes. As anyone who has ever had a drink in any bar can tell you, drop a bottle of beer flat to the floor and it explodes - not in a glass crunching way, but more in a volcano exploding way. I did that with a case of beer. I proceed to say, rather loudly over the music in my ears, "F &#$ K" - yes, I did. I said it. And just like in A Christmas Story, time froze. And also just like in a Christmas Story, I looked up to see all sorts of old people wanting to wash my mouth out with soap. Luckily there were no children in the vicinity. Then I said "OH MY GOD, I AM SO SORRY."

Then I hunched myself over and slunk myself out of the grocery store (after paying of course) as many many very good Mormon eyes looked at me and thought, that heathen just hit the trifecta: bought beer, said the F word, and then violated one of the top three commandments.

I am so never getting that special underwear...

Ride Home Tonight

Setup: Paul and I drive separately to a party. I drive home the children and he drives home alone. We leave at the same time and he puts the Princess in the van, shuts the door and walks away.

Car ride:

Lily - sobbing: "Daddy, come back, Daddy come back."

Me - feeling badly: "Daddy is right behind us, honey, we're all going home."

Lily - still sobbing: "I sad. Missing Daddy."

Me - still feeling badly but thinking it's cute: "Daddy is in the car next to us, honey, look!"

(much bad driving in which Paul and I try to get her to wave to him in his car)

Lily - not sobbing anymore: "Momma, please play Tomorrow."

Me - thinking we have gotten over the worst of it: "You want Annie?"

Lily: "Yes."

(put on Annie album on nano - thank the Lord for the nano)

Lily and me - at the top of our lungs: "TOMORROW TOMORROW I LOVE YA TOMORROW"

Pictures as Christmas Gifts

I sent to certain people - grandparents, godparents, great-grandparents - pictures of cute children as Christmas gifts. I was worried about the narcissism of that. But the reports are coming in and people seem to be very happy to have received them, so maybe it was okay.

Here is my Christmas wish list:

1. To see my dearest friends, the Bambergs.
2. To get to see Cirque Love in Las Vegas.
3. To get home to Sacandaga for a long sit on the moss.
4. To watch Elizabeth enjoy opening presents at Christmas for the first time.
5. For all my friends to be happy and healthy and for me to have more time to see them.

Christmas in Utah

I'm kind of proud of my heritage. I have traced my family in this country back to the 1600s, when they colonized New York. My grandpa still owns 40 acres of a tract of land that descends from them. We also have a certificate hanging in his house for a tract of 40 acres of land for service in the War of 1812 that some ancestor of mine did. I have ancestors who fought in the French and Indian War, the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, and I have relatives who have fought in every war since. I kind of like this American heritage.

Then I moved west and I felt very American as I did it. As I tell my students, it takes a particular kick in your stride to be the kind of crazy person to move far away from home to make a go of it. Now of course, I did this in the age of internet, telephones, airplanes, so it's not quite as cool as my ancestors who came over from Holland. But - I think it is in that great tradition. I live far away from home - in a beautiful place with native people with their own customs and I try to fit in - maybe I should offer them a turkey at Thanksgiving time...

My family, and my children's family, which of course is larger than mine because it includes my husband's family, don't quite understand this. They all live within driving distance of each other and if they don't, they are desperate to get to driving distance. When they tell me I should move home, I nod and smile, which I generally do for all people's opinions that I am ignoring.

I love it here. I love the mountains, I love the dry air, I love the snow all winter, I love the heat all summer - I love it here. And I have found my own tribe here, so I actually do live near family - just not biological family.

And I have just discovered another thing I love about living here - everyone has to mail you presents, so you have presents under the tree for 2 weeks!! That never happened when I lived 5 minutes from my family, because they all just brought the presents on Christmas day.

Love it here. Love celebrating Christmas with my family here.

Potty Training

I have never washed so many panties with Elmo and Disney Princesses on them; I have never been so attuned to someone else's bathroom habits; here I am potty training.

I do not know why, after potty training, anyone would have more children. This is HARD!!

But she looks super cute in her little big girl panties and clothes. And she's super proud of herself, so while hard, it's adorable!

Things of Note

Some things to note.

• My daughter is wearing panties, having pooped and peed on the potty.
• My son is sleeping through the night - making it from 10pm until 8am the other night.
• My cholesterol is 163 - which apparently is worse than when it was 204 five years ago (I don't quite understand that...but I have to eat more fish and less bread)
• My maternity leave is almost over, I spent 5 hours at work today and it was GREAT.
• My house is surrounded by swirling snow, which makes living in Utah fabulous!!!

Life is good.

Pre School

This is my baby - dressed as a bee on Thanksgiving - because bee costumes are good for Thanksgiving. She is, as people tell me, a character. I fully support her freedom of expression.

Today my husband and I visited her pre-school class to read the children stories. It was kind of like an anthropological visit - to be with the toddlers in their natural environment. And it was fun. First, Paul and I sat in the hallway waiting to go in. The class got back from running around time (I think adults should have this built into their days too, just a 30 minute free for all every day would make lots of people much happier) to head into the classroom for story time. The kids walk back to the room and my baby climbs over every toy on her way. She sees us in the hall, walks right past us saying, hi Daddy and Momma. We follow the class into the room and sit during circle time. She keeps looking at us. Then we read our stories and she claps at the end. Then we all sat in little little chairs and had lunch together. She was great - her friends were great. At one point she tripped and fell into one of the other little girl's lap and said "Sorry Clara." Clara was not muffed at all.

It was quite possibly the most wonderful 60 minutes I have spent yet as a parent.

But my favorite moment was when we were singing we're going on a bear hunt and Clara yelled out to Paul afterward - "good job Daddy!" Apparently he needed a boost...

High Cholesterol

I have high cholesterol. She gave me a list of numbers and I have no idea what they mean other than my good cholesterol is too low and my bad cholesterol is too high. I asked the nurse if I would die of a heart attack between now and when I go in to talk to my doctor about it and she said no, it wasn't that bad. I have always said that if I had a medical issue I would be much better about exercise and diet - meaning, I am a good patient. Whatever my doctor tells me to do I will do, so if I were to be allergic to sugar, I would never eat it again. That day has come, I have now officially been diagnosed with a problem due to my bad habits. I don't want to die young and I don't want heart disease. So it is time to get my arse in gear and get in shape. 2010 will be the year of getting healthy. No more snacking at night. No more desserts. No more not working out. I plan to beat this cholesterol thing with no drugs - good diet, good exercise, and good behavior.

My Children

Here's a great video of my kids! In David's bedroom.

Elizabeth

Momma - I'm spinning.
Good.
Momma - I'm falling. I'm okay. I'm trying to spin again. I'm falling. I'm okay. I'm done.

I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants.

Halloween

Sans the prince, here's my family for Halloween.

Griffin House Genius Playlist

Love the new nano - just pressed a button on Griffin House's Let Me In and it made a playlist of similar stuff in my library and I am digging this playlist.

Oh - and my nano gives me pretty pictures and stuff too!!

Comment on Health Care

Today the husband, the daughter and I trotted down to the health department to get our swine flu shots. The line goes around the block - almost half a city block. I get out to get in line, Paul dries the neighborhood. The guy comes out and says, there are too many people, you aren't getting shots. I get a hold of Paul, we walk back to the car. We both say grumpily - why doesn't our doctor have this damn shot. Then we realize this is government vaccine distribution. And our bleeding hearts stopped for a little while.

My friend just called, she waited 2 hours and they miscounted, so she didn't get her shot either. OOFF!!

My First Night

Here he is cuddled on his blanket. He only does this about 10 minutes a day. Mostly he has to be on my lap to sleep.


This one goes non stop - "Annie please!" "Ice cream cone, please" "Carry me, please" At least she always says please, but she doesn't understand that saying please is no guarantee for delivery of service...

Tonight was my first night alone with my children. I used to think stay at home moms seriously must have so much time to read books and eat chocolate - I now realize I was completely WRONG! Thank God I start working again in January...

Lacrosse Season Starts Again

Here is Weber High Lacrosse's littlest coach. The season starts again.

A Week Out

I had my baby last week and here's where I am at.

1. I lost 20 pounds - which is nice.
   
2. My bellybutton is now an innie again - it had been an outie for the last few months.
   
3. I can sleep on my back again.
   
4. I can sleep on my side without an extra pillow and my back doesn't hurt.
   
5. I can bend over without passing out.
6. I can use my laptop because most of that 20 pounds came off my stomach and I have a lap again.
7. I can walk around without getting tired.
8. I can lift my daughter again...

Update.
Well - being so far out from the pregnancy was great, I pushed it too hard, and now I am flat - where is that Perc script they gave me at the hospital???

More Matt Damon

Today while hanging with my new baby boy, What it Takes did a half hour blurb on Matt Damon. Happy Days.

Made me Laugh

Paul gets Esquire magazine and this edition has a beautiful picture of Matt Damon on the cover. For those of you who don't know, you could ask my best friend from college, my type of guy whom I find attractive is a type that looks like Matt Damon. I've made my fair share of mistakes with guys who look like Matt Damon. I have always thought Paul looks like Matt Damon - in fact I first kind of noticed him after I saw Good Will Hunting right before I had a grad school class with Paul.

Anyway - yesterday the Princess came across the Esquire magazine and said "Daddy!"

Made me laugh.

Fun Driving

I am huge. My stomach is ginormous and I have a baby inside who moves all over the place all the time. Today I had to drive to the doctor's office to have blood drawn (2nd time this week, 4th time this month) to see if I'm dying yet. I had to drive the little Mazda Protege with its steering wheel that won't move and it's standard transmission so I have to be close enough to push in the clutch and its low to the ground seat. It took forever to get in and maneuver my belly around and under the damn wheel. Then I'm driving and the baby is moving and kicking because he's uncomfortable with the wheel intruding in his space. Then I get to the office and can't get out of the damn car because I have no stomach muscles and can't pull myself up.

Then I get blood drawn and have to do the whole thing all over again. Next vehicle we buy will be a huge, automatic, gas guzzling pick up truck...

Home Visit

Elizabeth's teachers from pre-school came for a home visit tonight. They were supposed to arrive at 615pm. I fed her (why oh why did I not think about this more carefully) applesauce, corn and spaghettios at about 515pm. She decides to drop the spaghettios on the floor (have you ever dropped a bottle of beer on the floor just to watch the physics of how beer flies everywhere out of a bottle?) and they went EVERYWHERE. I mean, everywhere. Now, I am 9 days away from having a baby, huge, and haven't been able to bend over without falling down in weeks. I am mopping the floor, cleaning up spaghettios and picking up corn and wiping applesauce off the wall because the teachers are coming. She also got spaghettios on her Ted - which meant he had to be cleaned, which meant she complained he was wet.

Her teachers call at 545pm and say, can we come early, how about 5 minutes? I say, sure. I am dripping sweat, washing dishes feverishly so that my kitchen is clean. They arrive and I'm flush and hot and sweaty. My favorite way to receive callers.

But it was wonderful - they were very sweet and Elizabeth was so happy to have them. She showed them all her stuff and explained that Ted was wet because he was left out in the rain from the sky. She cried a little when they left, which I saw as a really good sign she likes them and they are very good.

Now I need to go pass out but I can't because I still have to get her ready for bed...smile...

End of Summer

When I first moved to Utah 7 years ago, my dad came to visit me in September. He pointed out that clearly I was meant to live in Utah because it was so yellow here. Yellow is my favorite color - always has been, always will be. And he was right - unlike New York where we kind of fade to orange and red during the autumnal months - Utah has this beautiful yellow season before the colors go. All sorts of yellow flowers.

Health Care

Yesterday I sat at a bar chatting with friends - this is my favorite kind of chatting. No gossip, no bitching, just good conversation covering everything from football to health care. During this conversation, people were commenting that older people or Americans who don't have a problem with Medicare should be totally on board with health care - and I thought at first blush, this is a legitimate argument. But this morning, while up at 4am because I am 2 weeks away from delivery, I decided it wasn't really all that legitimate. Here are my 2 points.

First, Medicare can be argued to have been designed (as was Social Security in some ways) to provide for women who chose not to have careers, never earned money for themselves and raised their families while their husbands went out and earned the bread. These women were fulfilling what had been known as the Republican Mother ideal - doing their job to raise the next generation of citizens rather than developing a career. Their husbands die first - as is often the case - and they have no independent means to take care of themselves. Or there are women who never married but were relegated to the pink ghetto for their entire lives which does not generally include good pensions. These women do not deserve to not have health care when they are old or to have to rely on the kindness of children or strangers to maintain their health. Thus the government steps in to provide for those whom society expected something else from.

Second, the unemployment rate today is 9.7% which means 90% of available people are working. These people will pay into Medicare their entire lives and they deserve to reap what they have sown. They hit 65 and they get to be rewarded for a lifetime of work by not having to work anymore but not having to worry about health care.

Neither of these options cover poor people or people who have children without having waited until they could afford them. Thus - being old and opposed to government health care and in favor of Medicare is not a double standard.

All this being said - I think government should provide a safety net for all its citizens, its poor and children most specifically and I would argue this has nothing to do with age or societal expectations - but that social rights should be as guaranteed as civil and political rights. But that's an entirely different argument.

13 Hours Left

For those of you who are in the know - I have 13 hours left until departure - I am beginning to understand Mr. Costanza -

SERENITY NOW!!!

Backup Outfit

Here is my beautiful baby. She's in a teepee at the Treehouse Museum, looking sweet and cute. In an outfit her father chose for her to be the backup outfit - if she gets a mess on her clothes, she has a backup. Which apparently he thought a gray and brown moose t-shirt matches a pink and purple plaid skirt. Seriously. I need to be extra vigilant.

While I Was in Meetings

While I was in opening school year meetings my baby was out playing. I hate the end of summer.

70s

It's beautiful out right now. It is in the 70s in August and my backyard looks great - especially since there is a little girl wandering around in it with a skirt on, carrying a Ted and a potty training book.

Oops

We taught our daughter her body parts - eyes, hair, teeth, nose, legs, elbows - she knows them all. So in mass this weekend, when it's quiet after communion and before the priest sends us on our way, she looks up at us and says "eyes", "teeth", "butt" while pointing to each feature. Everyone in 2 or 3 pews around us heard and started giggling.

Seriously? Couldn't she have said elbows?

My Princess - the Ballerina

It's hard to get outraged about health care (although my brain explodes a bit still when I read letters to the editor) when this little girl lives with you...

I Gotta Feeling

I really like Black Eyed Peas - and I never really knew it until I caught a documentary on them the other night and all the music they featured, I was thinking I LOVED this song on the radio when it was out but never knew who it was. Sometimes I wish I were still young and skinny and thus could still reasonably go clubbing because I would love to dance to this music.

Picasso

I am sure this should bother me, but as it wipes off easily with a wipe and it's pretty freaking cute, I just let her do it. And seriously, who said screens without chalk drawings were cute anyway?

My Backyard

This is what it looks like from my back deck in the morning as the sun comes up over the mountains.

My Daughter

As far as genetics go, I have no real evidence this beautiful girl is mine. Blue eyes, I have brown. She has blond hair, I have brown. She is on the low end of weight, I have always been on the high end of weight. No evidence whatsoever that she is anyone but my husband's child. But today, there was a sign of hope that she is actually related to me.

I had angel food cake (which is my favorite cake of all time) and I said, would you like a piece of angel food cake. She screamed and ran full tilt to her chair and piled in. She then sang and danced for the four and a half seconds it took her to ciao it down. Smile. That's all me.

My Husband the Nazi

Today the princess woke up at 530am, so the husband went up to check on her, picked her up and brought her down to her bed where she fell asleep for the first time ever for 4 hours and we all got up at 930am. I thought it was adorable - watching her sleep between us with her little head on our huge grown up pillows.

The husband said, that was adorable, don't get used to it.

He's such a parenting Nazi - I see many clashes over the years...

My Family

It's been a while - so I post cuteness in defense.

Serious Cuteness

Today my baby came out wearing patent leather shoes - I think she thinks she's tapping. She is so cute!!

Good News

Yesterday I had my 22 week u/s and everything looks good.The baby is healthy and doing well. So in four months we'll have another crazy child running around this house.

Memorial Day

Things to think about this weekend...

1. The Duke played lacrosse with his high school players - and then realized he's actually old, although still faster than most of his players. He thinks he broke a rib.
2. The Duke rode his first horse - which is the horse they use for the four year olds to learn on - and he was very cute all slumped over trying desperately not to fall off at the slowest gait the horse could go.
   
3. We had family over last night for a fun fun bbq - our Utah family who so kindly adopted us giving the Princess all sorts of fun cousins.
4. Syracuse won the lacrosse national championship - and now that I am married to a lacrosse aficionado I actually enjoy watching lacrosse.
   
5. We're having friends over tonight for a bbq - my pal who is super savvy on interior design is going to help me unfrump my common spaces (I have enough skill to know it's not good but not enough skill to achieve goodness - my music is generally at this level as well)
6. My head exploded today when the lame little one penny printer Apple gave me when I bought this damn iMac refused to print - I mean, seriously, isn't the point of a printer to print? It seems to me that if you are taking 10 pages to print incorrectly one page while your test page prints perfectly - then you are a shitty printer.
7. I went to the grocery store and used the self-check out - which always reminds me of my first career as a cashier at the Price Chopper during which I excelled at the items scanned contest.
8. I am remembering my family who have preceded me into whatever happens next and hoping they won't travel too far down that path that I can't find them when it's my turn.
   

Photography

I bought a new camera - a sweet, swanky Nikon D-60 which I love. Very much. I am remembering how much fun photography is and wondering why I ever switched from photo-journalism. I took 215 pictures yesterday of nothing. I took 300 pictures the day before of lacrosse - lacrosse!!! And Brad Pitt wasn't even playing - although a Matt Damon look-alike was (smile).

Last night my favorite photographer on the planet came over to show me how to do amazing things with digital stuff. I now realize just how much work she does and even more amazed. I had NO freaking idea how much work that was. And the work she does is fantastically brilliant. And I am even more convinced she deserves many accolades and prizes...

Way Too Long

It has been way too long and I know it. I am failing in all my personal stuff because I have NO time. So here's what I've been up to.

1. Went to Washington D.C. to find housing for WSU interns - that was a great trip!
2. Went to a million lacrosse games for my husband's HS season.
3. Graded 100 students and got them finished.
4. Prepped 3 classes for the summer - all of which changed so they were new.
5. I'm getting huge in my pregnancy which prompted my husband last night to say "I don't think I've ever seen you this big before" - thanks.
6. Sleeping little, stressing lots.
   

Redux

A million years ago in an entirely different life - the Duchess was a photojournalist (she even has a degree in newspaper journalism from a top notch university to prove that original dream).
As things go - this dream was replaced by a bigger and better dream - to be a college professor. Neither career would ever pay 6 figures - which is an indicator of her total lack of commitment to capitalism or her total idiocy. Sometimes I think somewhere in some alternative universe there is a Duchess running around taking pictures of people and telling their story. I remember wishing/hoping there'd be a major war so I could be a war reporter - so maybe in some alternate universe the Duchess has just been shot...

Anyway - today I bought a real camera - not a point and click - but a real camera. I can feel some old muscles revving up and some old skill sets coming back to the fore. Pretty soon I'll be looking for a dark room and some film...

Failure Already

I walked into my department chair's office and apologized. She said she didn't accept my apology and laughed at me.

Jeesh - my life altering decision lasted all of 24 hours...it's no wonder I'm fat...

Some Soul Searching on a Weekend

As my grades are all in and I have no students to talk to and no lectures to plan - I've been doing some soul searching. And my very dear adoptive mother posted a blog that spurred me to think even more.

Friday night I was teasing a friend. I tease people I care about and the more respect I have for you, or the more intelligent I think you are, the more I tease - the deeper the teasing goes. She said to me later that I teased her all the time in front of people and I felt really badly about it. I apologized but I am not sure my apology hit home (explanation below which provides the connection to Numi's blog). I hope she knows that I love her and respect her and think she's intelligent enough to take all my teasing and bring her own straight back to me - which I LOVE. There's nothing I love more than an intense conversation about something when I disagree with someone but I respect their opinion - I often find myself rethinking positions - which is also a favorite past time of mine. And this particular friend has similar sensibilities to me but very different thoughts on things - which makes it a lot of fun to talk to her. But I never want her to think I am being mean or rude in my teasing - if I am bothering to tease you, it means I love you - if I'm not, generally I think talking to you is a waste of time. (I'm pretty snobby about who I argue with)

So here's the link to the soul searching - I apologize all the time. I say "I'm sorry" constantly. It occurred to me Friday night (and I have worried about it all weekend) that because my pal has heard me say I'm sorry 3 million times since she met me 7 years ago that this apology may not have meant anything - when it really did. I have watered down apologies by my constant sorry. I think that I probably say I'm sorry all the time because my parents didn't really want to have me, got married because they got pregnant with me, and then told me about it my whole life. I think I have been apologizing for my existance my whole life and this probably contributes directly to my lack of confidence that anyone ever really wants me around. Which is totally ridiculous - from a reasonable point of view - as there are people who make active efforts to have me around, so they must want me around. Anyway - I say I am sorry not because I mean it most of the time but because of some undealt with childhood issues. This weekend I have decided to never say sorry again unless I mean it - I have asked my husband to zap me with an electrical bolt - or just suggest I not say it.

Maybe the fact that I have figured out why I say it all the time will be just the prompt I need to not say it again - like when you figure out what that bad dream is about you stop having the bad dream.

Test

It's Been a While

The semester ended yesterday - thank the lord. I am tired, cranky, and have nothing really to show for this semester. Well, let's see. I wrote an instructor's manual - which took 2 months of my time pretty exclusively, gets me no bang for the buck scholarship wise but gave me a number of bucks. I put together a call for papers for an edited volume, a number of which were excellent and I think the book will be good. I sent that proposal in and the publisher is looking at it. And I hired a student to collect data on curriculum for social studies - which is the beginning of a new strain of research in the part of my agenda that focuses on youth and political participation. I think maybe, I have something to show for it.

I taught 3 courses (one of which was Methods), mentored one student's undergraduate research, organized the curriculum of a new initiative, Civitas, which hopefully will take off next year. So I guess, that's some cool stuff too.

The princess went to Kindermusik once a week, two sets of parents came for visits for a week each, and I was pregnant the whole time. So I guess, personally I did some stuff too.

Okay - so I am exhausted and maybe there's a reason - I worked my ass off for 4 months while pregnant and mothering an under-two-year old. Maybe I have earned one day during which I do no grading, no talking to people, no work related stuff at all - crap - the house is a mess.

So I failed at that other job - housewife - oh well, I wasn't really planning on making that my strongest suit anyway...

Beautiful Weather

I think school should end in March so we can all be outside gardening all day in April. I love it here in April - it's so much fun. Snow and then 70 degree weather and then snow and then 70 degree weather. The husband hates it because it's bad for lacrosse, but I love it!

Spaghetti

My whole life I have loved spaghetti with marinara sauce. LOVED it. I grew up in a little town with about 99 percent Italian Americans and they made some good spaghetti with marinara sauce. If you make spaghetti, I will pretty much eat it. Always. Seven times a week. Looks like the baby is going to like it too.

AIG Redux

Read this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/25/opinion/25desantis.html?_r=1

This has changed my husband's mind. Seriously, he is just not as much of a revolutionary as I am, or he is much too nice to people. I'm not sure it changes my mind. Professors are demonized by the media all the time - conservatives say that we are corrupting the youth and that we are dangerous for democracy. And we keep doing our job and we make a fraction of what any financial executive would make. And when the economy goes south, we lose money.

I am still working this out in my head - still turning it over, as it were - but so far, the only thing I find in the least compelling is the idea that Liddy should have his people's backs. I agree with that - whole heartedly. But I have not come to the point that anything else is sympathetic.

Lily's Comment on my Wardrobe

This morning I was getting ready to go - wearing a wrap. One of my favorite things to wear is a pair of pants, a nice blouse and a warm wrap. On days like this, it's perfect. Not too hot, not too cold. I don't have to add a coat.

As I was walking out the door, Lily runs up saying "blanket, blanket". I looked at her and said, yes Mama is wearing a blanket. Then I laughed. Maybe my outfit is not as perfect as I think.

Baby Boom

I'm doing my part. When my generation is totally set with social security I will be able to say that I contributed to the baby boom in 2007. It's always good to be trendy...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/19/health/19birth.html?WT.mc_id=fb_nyt14&WT.mc_ev=click

AIG Solution

I have the best idea for the AIG crisis.

Print their names and their addresses - those fools who got bonuses. Then let the people take care of it.

Funny how Life Is

Today I had a former House Representative in to my class along with a former RNC Chair. They were great. The kids loved it! They asked a million questions and three of them followed the Representative all the way to our lunch, at which point I had to say, you're not invited to this lunch, go away. They talked about great political stuff - in fact they reinforced so much of what I teach about politics I felt that my credibility probably went up in the minds of students.

I was feeling a bit - I don't know, hinky - about having blasted Republicans in my last post and then these two great guys come in to my class and do a great job. I compare them to a couple of pricky Democrats I have had in my classes and I think - well, maybe I disagree with most of the policies but individually and personally they aren't going to hell. Sometimes in the heat of AIG stuff and Rush Limbaugh stuff I lose my head a little.

Ayn Rand

It's been a while but my head exploded last night so I thought I would write a post.

Apparently all the conservatives are reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, which is a fairy tale of mythical greediness proportions, in which all the wealthy captains of industry leave and create their own country, thus leaving all of us poor non working idiots to die.

What I love about an economic crisis, and there hasn't really been one in my lifetime that I was cognitively aware of, is that it strips the Republicans of all their moral pretensions. They don't chat about abortion and stem cell research as much, all they do is bitch that we're taxing the wealthy and redistributing money to the poor. I watched a line up of people who say, we should just take our wealth and go. Who do these Democrats think they are helping non-working people with our money? blah blah blah

To which, I say, go. Go to your fancy island where there will be no infrastructure (because us poor idiots do that for you), there will be no education (again, not so poor idiots provide that for you in lieu of being lawyers), there will be no service staff (because us poor idiots will be here). And then when you die, go straight to hell. Because Jesus Christ was pretty clear about this, how you treat the least of my people is how you will be treated by me. And when you head to judgment day and you wonder why the rapture didn't pick you up, God will say, yeah, I thought your opinions on the killing embryos and fetuses were all well and good, but when push came to shove and you were actually supposed to help in accordance with the Beatitudes, you bitched about it. Oh, and when push came to shove, it was clear to all that you only used the moral issues to get elected, they actually meant nothing to you, all you wanted was money. Oh and, if you were actually good enough to use charity to help in the first place, the government would never have gotten involved in social services to begin with, but your greed and selfishness came first.

The non-religious side of me says in a snarky way, um, so it's okay to spend billions of dollars on wealthy wall street people who deserve, apparently, huge sums of taxpayer dollars for bail outs. But it's not okay to cover unemployment? Seriously? How stupid do you think we are?

And the really snarky side of me says, yet again, do you really not know what happened in the French Revolution? Do you not get that there are a lot more of us poor idiots than you wealthy people and we killed you when you got all uppity about your money. The reason socialism exists - by the way - is to protect you from that happening.

So, again, I say, please keep complaining. Keep saying you owe us nothing. Your fellow countrymen and women. Your fellow human beings.

The revolution is a'coming.

Snow

It is about 60 degrees outside my house right now - I have doors open and windows open to let in some fresh air. It's beautiful. Two weeks ago it looked like this - snow everywhere, Lily in a snowsuit. How quickly it changes!

Life is Really Unfair

2 years ago Paul and I were on a plane with Boomer from BSG (and if you don't get the reference - too freaking bad). We were so excited about being near someone who is kind of famous - and for BSG fans super famous. But I have been trumped by a pal who was on a plane with Robert Redford. ARGH!!!

My Daughter is the Next Warhol

the Princess's new fave thing to do is take stuff out of the lazy susan that she can reach and stack and re-stack. I believe this is the first evidence I have that she is actually related to me by some quirk of DNA - meaning, there is nothing I love more than reorganizing stuff - seriously, nothing I love more. Today I walked into the kitchen when she was in her room sweeping (don't ask, that's a whole other post) and saw this in the middle of the floor. It looked relatively artistic, so I thought I post it here.

Weather

We're having some weather here in Ogden. It's not a white out - like we used to have white outs in New York - but its heavy, wet snow. Pretty stunning, actually. Thank God I don't have to leave the house today.

Kids Place Live on Sirius

Right now on Lily's station we are listening to Peter Gabriel - we've heard Lisa Loeb and U2 and Bare Naked Ladies and They Must be Giants among others. Pretty cool that the musical training starts early. I especially like the Chipmunks version of Bad Day - it's pretty funny.

French Revolution

In 2007, the CEO of Countrywide, earned $1.9 million, in addition to about $45K in travel benefits, and dues paid to swanky country clubs around the world, he also reaped about $251 million as he sold off his company's stock while lying to investors that it was a good buy to have his company's stock. At the same time Countrywide laid of tens of thousands of workers and dropped 80% in the stock market causing many ordinary citizens major economic crisis.

Lest you think this is one evil dude - in 2008 only 6% of CEOs said that if people were hard workers and loyal to the company and contributed to the business, they deserved to keep the jobs. The vast majority feel that ordinary workers are totally expendable.

Seriously - do these people not think about why their heads were lopped off in the French Revolution?

Cheerios

The Princess has just discovered the magic of cheerios. So we eat them all the time. She knows which cupboard they are in and she often just helps herself. She loves them with soy milk (considering her favorite thing to eat is vegetables and she loves soy milk, I am predicting a vegan in our midst) and normal milk sometimes. But her favorite thing to do is to take the bowl the cheerios are in and pour them all over whatever she's near - the floor, the table, the tray. Luckily Hobbes likes cheerios too, so we don't have to keep grabbing the broom.

I love being a parent.

Conference

I went to a teaching and learning conference last week. I spent four days away from my family to have intellectual intercourse. My university paid for this trip in these very lean times. The conference was about civic engagement in political science courses and political scientists presented ideas about civic engagement assignments. It was great. At one point a woman presented an assignment that was essentially a simulation. I do simulations all the time, they are great for learning for students. And generally, the kids love them. But, I argued at the conference, they are not civic engagement. If the student has not left the classroom, then the student has not done civic engagement. My raising this offended the woman and she didn't speak again.

Today I was chatting with some friends about this. I was told that I wasn't influencing people or winning friends and that I take stuff too seriously.

I've been mulling this over. I was at a conference, again, intellectual intercourse. First of all, there should be nothing offensive in an intellectual conversation about how to teach. We should all bring our best game and then have a great argument about it. If indeed it is the case that we can achieve civic engagement without leaving the classroom, prove it to me. I am skeptical enough to think that even my own position could be wrong. Second of all, the woman's response to me was, "I knew someone would say that." Really? If so, you have brilliantly anticipated a question and you should have a good answer. Not a pout for the next two days, but a good answer. Oh, and since I am really into intellectual intercourse, if you were persuasive, I'd buy it.

I was at a conference. I was taking four days of my life to learn something. Don't waste my time with crap. And when I call you on it, if I am wrong, tell me how I am wrong. Let's not all insult each other with schmoozing.

Right?

Conference

Tomorrow I head out to what will probably be my last conference for a while. As budgets are tight, travel will be at a premium. Thus, I will be staying home. For the past 10 years, I have gone to 2 conferences (at least) a year, so this will be a new era in the travel life of the Duchess.

And what, you might ask, is my last conference. And the answer is, a teaching and learning conference. I plan to sit in my room most of the time, lonely and bored. But I will survive, learn something, and come home on Sunday and give my baby a big kiss. Hopefully I will have internet connection and will pay attention to the world while in Baltimore.

Baltimore - seriously, couldn't my last conference have been in Savannah, GA? It is beautiful there.

My Baby's Pig Tails

My baby can now wear pig tails. When did this happen? She was just born two seconds ago.

Peer Review

I am supposed to do a peer review assignment for a class I'm taking on how to make my classes better. So a pal and I met at the Starbuck's to do the peer review. We both thought each other's class was fabulous.

Anything wrong with this method? smile.

Smile

Sometimes I get really stressed about stuff - like $$ and war and stuff. Then I look over at this cute face and figure, seriously, how bad can it possibly be?

Big Day

Today was awesome for me. I sat with my daughter in my lap as we watched the inauguration. She cheered for Aretha Franklin's stirring rendition of My Country Tis of Thee (mostly because she likes music). I cried when President Obama gave his address. I thought it was in the tradition of Lincoln's 2nd inaugural - not a victory speech, but a speech given by a leader to take us out of hard times. It was very special for me to share this with the Princess. And I thought, the first president elected while I was alive was Carter (blech) and how lucky for her that she gets to have Obama for her first. Very cool.

Then she ran around the house saying "Obammma!" Which made me cry again.

Cool Day Today

I liked that today was MLK Jr day and that tomorrow Barack Obama will become president. I hear all my conservative friends complaining about what they call the "coronation." And all I have to say is - too damn bad. Maybe if you ran someone with some soul, you could have a coronation.

Go Obama!!

Still Sick

Here I am at work - grading and getting my office ready for a semester of scholarship.

Tangent alert - when I started my literature review for my dissertation, I spent 2 weeks organizing my home office. I cannot actually do any research until the fung shui is right in the place where I do research. I am decluttered now and I believe that my little ivory tower is ready for me to write and research and think and generally be brilliant.

Now that I am ready - the scholarship starts Monday (or Tuesday since Monday is a holiday and seriously I need a holiday (???) - and I have a map (plan) for how to get a bunch done this semester. Pretty cool!

But I am still sick - head is hazy and student queries are in a fog. I told one student today, I said send me an email about what we just talked about because I promise I will forget. And now I can't remember who it was or what and the student hasn't sent an email yet. Oh - and - I FORGOT the vice president elect's name yesterday. Clearly I need this cold to be gone.

My Poor Little Nose

I woke up with a horrible cold today - in fact I went to bed with it last night and today it decided to stay - and while I am battling it with tissues and orange juice and hot tea, I think it is winning. I'll survive, but maybe I won't travel for a while.

Whirlwind Weekend

Just got home from a whirlwind weekend in Long Island. My brother in law lives on Long Island with his lovely family. It was fun. They have this great house which is painted in these deep bold colors and I am all full of ideas for how to update my downstairs in my house. And it was fun to meet our new nephew. I also got to see my stepbrother - which was nice as it has been over a year since I saw him last. But I'm exhausted, launched into a long day interviewing secretaries yesterday and a long day of teaching today (I'm on campus from 830am until 8pm). Thus, I will have something pithy tomorrow on my blog post.

Oh and - my Princess is missing her Numismatist.

Go Cats

The family and I joined a couple of friends for a basketball game tonight. The Cats were down the whole time. Our two friends left early because the game was "over" - but you see, unless you are rushing to some major event you should ALWAYS stay until the end of the game. Down by 7 with 46 seconds to go, WSU came back and tied it and then won in overtime. It was exciting. It was fun. Lily yelled the whole time.

I love sports.