I Turn 32 Today

Today I turned 32.

What do I still do as a 32 year old?

Dance in the shower.
Read historical romances.
Sing to my animals.
Listen to the same song over and over as I get ready in the morning.
Giggle.
Sleep in late whenever I can.
Own stuffed animals.
Like the Beatles.
Love Harrison Ford.
Sing loudly in the car to music.
Get my feelings hurt.
Diet.

What is new as a 32 year old?
Laugh at myself easily.
Confident in my choices and decisions.
Have close girlfriends who I enjoy spending time with.
Admit I am wrong when I am wrong rather than twisting the argument.

Fabulous to be 32.

Today I had a Coronary

I am a perpetual student...oops, I mean an academic, a scholar, a member of the intelligentsia...basically a perpetual student.

The skills of the student: writing a paper at the last minute, pulling all nighters to do the work you should have done months ago, putting everything you have to do off also until the last minute so you are working like crazy, drinking lots of coffee, typing really really fast.

I am a bit ocd, I am a fantastic planner, I took 2 years to write a dissertation and I planned it all out. But when it comes to writing 20 page papers that I am delivering for conferences, I am still that undergraduate student who said, "SHIT, it's due tomorrow, there's no more time." I have never taken an incomplete, I have never not handed in an assignment, I have never handed in an assignment late; I have always gotten it done at the last minute. And, unfortunately, it has always worked. So I continue to always do it.

Today I hopped on to pull together the paper I am presenting at the national meeting next week...a week from yesterday...at the national meeting. I go to crunch some numbers and I can't find my dataset. I spent 2 months back in January collecting data. It took 2 months, my data collection process is time consuming, and I could not find it. Two days ago (in search of the perfect apostraphe) I reorganized my computer. I deleted lots of stuff. Yesterday I decided I was so good at organizing that I could empty my recycle bin...which means it's really really gone. Today I cannot find my dataset. The sweat breaks out on my brow. I begin to panic. I feel my stomach drop to the bottom of my feet and I am instantly thinking of what the hell can I offer as a paper without any data.

Then I realized I mis-labeled it. It was there, data is crunched, interesting findings were found. I invested in box.net.

Clearly I am a Wus!

Today my husband, his brother and his brother's wife and I all went to Park City Resort to ride the Alpine Slide.

This activity costs $11 a person. You buy a ticket. You get on a chair lift (which is a lot harder to do without skis and snow than you might think). You ride up pretty high above the steep inclines. You jump off the chairlift at the midway station (which means it doesn't stop moving) and you quickly step to the left (which means if you are me you almost fall over...I almost fall over with skis on in the snow off of every chair lift as well, so for me, it's not a big surprise). You pick up a 400lb sled and drag it a mile to the slide beginning. You stand in a line with little kids screaming and adults acting stupid. You then lug the sled and put it on the bobsled looking tubey thing and sit on it. You look down and see that if you push all the way forward you are on wheels and if you pull all the way back you are on a brake. You push your way up to the edge and look down and freak out. You push off when the woman tells you to do so and (if you are me) you neither push all the way forward nor pull all the way back. This sends you in a draggy motion down a steep ride and causes the old man behind you to bump you in the behind when he catches up to you and causes your husband to laugh at you for not being brave enough to actually ride the ride.

I do not like the Alpine Slide.

Let's Go Fly a Kite

When I first married my husband I thought his family was crazy...which, of course, they are as all families are...but now I also think they are fabulous. They are different from me and I could recount many times my obsessive compulsive behaviorisms almost caused me to have a heart attack around their very laid back style, but in this, who is crazy? The laid back people or the on the brink ocd person? I leave it to you to decide.

My mother-in-law is a fantastic, feisty woman who lives her life the way she wants to live it and I admire that very much. She says what she thinks, she is very intelligent and she is loyal to her family...all of which I appreciate and think are the marks of what women should be. My father-in-law is a deep, kind man who is very sensitive to what is going on around him and what people are feeling. In the worst days of my life after I lost my baby I had long conversations with him that were the most empathetic of that whole experience and I'm not sure he realizes how much strength he gave me. My brother-in-law is a fantastic young man whose heart is always in the right place. He has his brother's back at all times and I often am envious of their sibling bond that transcends difference in ages and miles distance between them. His wife, my sister-in-law, is a sharp young woman who sees everything and I am often taken aback by her insights. Just when I think she's not paying attention, she says something that indicates she's taken it all in and is chewing on it. I enjoy conversations with her and just spending time with her.

Why am I opining on my in-law family? Because my brother-in-law and sister-in-law are here this weekend and I am having so much fun. It is great to watch my husband just completely relax with his brother, it is great to watch my sister-in-law tease my brother-in-law, in general it is great to have family around and realize that just because we live in Utah doesn't mean we don't love our family.

And also, my brother-in-law flies a kite! A kite! I have never flown a kite and I guess I have no idea how to get a kite in the air (this falls in those general areas of not knowing how to get a yo-yo to work and how to skateboard). This morning we went down to the windiest part of the canyon (which gets VERY windy) and he flew his kite. Fabulous, absolutely fabulous!

I Personally Think I am Way More Sarcastic

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge. In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead! And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in. Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

the Duchess is Crazy Technology

Today I spent hours designing stuff for my students. I won't link to those pages from here since I try to protect my anonymity a little bit (god forbid students find my private blog...that would be hell) so if you'd like to see it, send an email and I will send it out.

I have a website that has links for all sorts of fun stuff: internships, College Democrats, Pi Sigma Alpha, job opportunities, etc etc. I have a website for each class I teach. So I have a website for Campaigns and Elections that has a picture of Senator Hatch getting a haircut in a barber shop in Brigham City (would be sweet except the pic has the mirror in the background that shows the 20 or so staffers who I guess go along to watch him get his hair cut). I have a website for my Honors Government class that has this fantastic mural of the founding fathers. All of my syllabi are available on these websites (and thank you so much Captain America for your help on those syllabi!) I also have a blog so that students can check in and see what's up. Check on changes and chat with each other.

The Duchess is a techno-teacher...smile. Back in the day when I was a pup in undergraduate I had to actually go to my professor's office...shudder (um, I think I went to office hours maybe like 4 times my entire stay at SU, because, as earlier links describe, I really went to college to party and not to kiss ass)

just for something else to think about
I have a Dell laptop. I am now convinced it is going to explode and burn down my house.

I am So Smart - S-M-R-T, oops I mean -S-M-A-R-T

Look at the state this is...just too cute.

You Passed 8th Grade Geography

Congratulations, you got 8/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Geography?

I am Such a Loser

Last night, because I am such a loser, I sat in a movie theater with about 300 band geeks watching Drum Corps International which was being fed to select theaters around the nation via satellite. It was the quarter finals in Madison, Wisconsin and I felt like I was in band again. I watched show after show and critiqued the rifle line, the sabre line and the drum line. Of course I had no complaints of any lower brass line, as I once was lower brass and we are fabulous. I am not as much of a loser, however, as the people who sat near me who knew the names of every corps and shouted out boos to those they didn't like. I was thinking, dude, we're in a movie theater, they can't hear you. But there were many more of them than of me so I kept my mouth shut. Drum corps is fantastic. They "age out" at 21 so you can only do drum corps if you are young. And some of these kids were young.

I never did drum corps. When I was under the age of 21 I did not quite have the confidence to be that much of a band geek (one thing about band is you have to completely conform and take things very seriously and conformity and serious taking has never been a strong point of mine...I like to laugh at seriousness too much and I like to march to my own particular drummer) so I never did it. But I respond still to the marching and the drum major and the dazzle of many pinwheels.

And I will always love the drum line. I should have hooked up with a drummer at one point in my many years in band...my relationship history would include a lot more fun if I had just had sex with a drummer...smile.

oh boy Connecticut

Ned Lamont is my hero.

I am not donating to his campaign as I am not much of a fan of carpetbagging, and carpetbagging must be donating money to an election that doesn't affect you, but I am impressed. Today he leads incumbent Joe Lieberman by double digits. Double digits! Why am I happy about this? Setting aside the fact that Lieberman is a censorer (is that a word) and clearly would rather be a Republican (which isn't necessarily wrong), he is an incumbent. One of the problems in our country is the malaise that follows 95% incumbency rates in Congress. Why bother voting when everyone who's in wins again? So no one bothers voting. It's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, of course, but it's hard to explain this to unsophisticated voters. I think every primary and every general election should be a competitive race. Period. I don't think it should be because of term limits as that is a top down solution. I think it should be because courageous Americans decide that investing in their country is important. You do not need money to challenge someone (although it helps), all you need is ideas, energy and courage.

For the same reason, Dennis Kucinich is my hero. While Ned Lamont has a good chance of winning, Dennis Kucinich had a snowball's shot in hell, but he had the balls to get out there and try.

an Epiphany in Big Sky Country

I live in Utah which is known as Big Sky Country. What that basically means is you do not have to look up to see the sky, you can just look ahead of you and you will see blue sky. That's how vast it is here. I have only been here four years and thus have not seen everything yet. Yesterday I drove 3 hours southeast into Utah to a little town Roosevelt (one quick note, it's hard when you move somewhere new because you have NO idea how long it takes to get places...I know exact times from places to places in NY but out here I was like, I have no idea). It was stunningly beautiful. Then I drove back.

On the way back, while listening to Bob Dylan's early music, I began pondering my existence and wondering if what I was doing was the right thing. I have had a kind of bad year and really have only recently felt like I am swimming again rather than treading water trying not to drown. I am thus considering if I am swimming in the right direction, or has the recent bad year enlightened me to new paths I should be considering.

I had been on the Ute Indian Reservation teaching Ute Indian high school teachers about American government. The idea being they will then teach their students. It was very cool being there. And then driving back in the vastness that is that part of Utah, unlike anything I have ever seen and having done something unlike anything I have ever done, I passed a ford with a 'Support our Troops' sticker on it. As I often do, I take a look at who's driving. It's a 40 year old man wearing a Boy Scout uniform. (before you think I'm totally un-American, remember that I was teaching American Government to American Indians in the reddest state of the union...and I support our troops and for the most part I kind of support Boy Scouts). I think to myself, clearly he's not listening to Bob Dylan.

Then epiphany struck. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing exactly where I am supposed to be doing it and everything's all right. This is a good life that I have forged for myself here in the western wilderness and although a hard rain has fallen I have survived. All is good in the universe and I can drive 90 mpg through the back roads of Utah and smile.