End of Friendship

Today a friendship I had ended. There was no grand splash of a fight to end it, just kind of a whimper.

I have this tendency to be friends with people who don't treat me very well and I put up with it because (as my shrink says) I have a tendency to have to take care of people. Therefore the really manipulative people who have major drama issues tend to become my friends. I have learned, in previous versions of my self throughout my life, that I do not want to become friends with these people and I keep warning myself to not do so in the future. I really thought moving to Utah would make a huge difference...like, there can't possibly be manipulative people in Utah...but I was wrong. I am also relatively non-confrontational so I always hope these manipulative people just kind of go away. A couple of times it worked out and a couple of times it was a crash and burn ending. Either way, I get a sick stomach like I've just been dumped at the end of a friendship.

This new former friend was someone who always said horrible things to me and to people around me that made me cringe. And throughout the turmoil of my losing my baby he was awful to me. Saying things like "you have had such a charmed life, you deserved this" or, my particular favorite, "how long do I have to wait until you get over this?" I decided months ago that I didn't want to be friends with someone like this, not anymore, not when there are better people out there to be friends with. But I still invited him to my Memorial Day BBQ because I thought how could I not if everyone else will be there, and his response was "I will not be there." Since there was no euphemistic attempt to say "can't make it," "have another party to attend," I can be pretty well assured that he considers the friendship over...whimper.

Why do I have a sick stomach? How long until I grow up enough to not want these people in my life and make active decisions to not have them in my life and then be okay with those decisions?