Serious Cuteness

Today my baby came out wearing patent leather shoes - I think she thinks she's tapping. She is so cute!!

Good News

Yesterday I had my 22 week u/s and everything looks good.The baby is healthy and doing well. So in four months we'll have another crazy child running around this house.

Memorial Day

Things to think about this weekend...

1. The Duke played lacrosse with his high school players - and then realized he's actually old, although still faster than most of his players. He thinks he broke a rib.
2. The Duke rode his first horse - which is the horse they use for the four year olds to learn on - and he was very cute all slumped over trying desperately not to fall off at the slowest gait the horse could go.
   
3. We had family over last night for a fun fun bbq - our Utah family who so kindly adopted us giving the Princess all sorts of fun cousins.
4. Syracuse won the lacrosse national championship - and now that I am married to a lacrosse aficionado I actually enjoy watching lacrosse.
   
5. We're having friends over tonight for a bbq - my pal who is super savvy on interior design is going to help me unfrump my common spaces (I have enough skill to know it's not good but not enough skill to achieve goodness - my music is generally at this level as well)
6. My head exploded today when the lame little one penny printer Apple gave me when I bought this damn iMac refused to print - I mean, seriously, isn't the point of a printer to print? It seems to me that if you are taking 10 pages to print incorrectly one page while your test page prints perfectly - then you are a shitty printer.
7. I went to the grocery store and used the self-check out - which always reminds me of my first career as a cashier at the Price Chopper during which I excelled at the items scanned contest.
8. I am remembering my family who have preceded me into whatever happens next and hoping they won't travel too far down that path that I can't find them when it's my turn.
   

Photography

I bought a new camera - a sweet, swanky Nikon D-60 which I love. Very much. I am remembering how much fun photography is and wondering why I ever switched from photo-journalism. I took 215 pictures yesterday of nothing. I took 300 pictures the day before of lacrosse - lacrosse!!! And Brad Pitt wasn't even playing - although a Matt Damon look-alike was (smile).

Last night my favorite photographer on the planet came over to show me how to do amazing things with digital stuff. I now realize just how much work she does and even more amazed. I had NO freaking idea how much work that was. And the work she does is fantastically brilliant. And I am even more convinced she deserves many accolades and prizes...

Way Too Long

It has been way too long and I know it. I am failing in all my personal stuff because I have NO time. So here's what I've been up to.

1. Went to Washington D.C. to find housing for WSU interns - that was a great trip!
2. Went to a million lacrosse games for my husband's HS season.
3. Graded 100 students and got them finished.
4. Prepped 3 classes for the summer - all of which changed so they were new.
5. I'm getting huge in my pregnancy which prompted my husband last night to say "I don't think I've ever seen you this big before" - thanks.
6. Sleeping little, stressing lots.
   

Redux

A million years ago in an entirely different life - the Duchess was a photojournalist (she even has a degree in newspaper journalism from a top notch university to prove that original dream).
As things go - this dream was replaced by a bigger and better dream - to be a college professor. Neither career would ever pay 6 figures - which is an indicator of her total lack of commitment to capitalism or her total idiocy. Sometimes I think somewhere in some alternative universe there is a Duchess running around taking pictures of people and telling their story. I remember wishing/hoping there'd be a major war so I could be a war reporter - so maybe in some alternate universe the Duchess has just been shot...

Anyway - today I bought a real camera - not a point and click - but a real camera. I can feel some old muscles revving up and some old skill sets coming back to the fore. Pretty soon I'll be looking for a dark room and some film...

Failure Already

I walked into my department chair's office and apologized. She said she didn't accept my apology and laughed at me.

Jeesh - my life altering decision lasted all of 24 hours...it's no wonder I'm fat...

Some Soul Searching on a Weekend

As my grades are all in and I have no students to talk to and no lectures to plan - I've been doing some soul searching. And my very dear adoptive mother posted a blog that spurred me to think even more.

Friday night I was teasing a friend. I tease people I care about and the more respect I have for you, or the more intelligent I think you are, the more I tease - the deeper the teasing goes. She said to me later that I teased her all the time in front of people and I felt really badly about it. I apologized but I am not sure my apology hit home (explanation below which provides the connection to Numi's blog). I hope she knows that I love her and respect her and think she's intelligent enough to take all my teasing and bring her own straight back to me - which I LOVE. There's nothing I love more than an intense conversation about something when I disagree with someone but I respect their opinion - I often find myself rethinking positions - which is also a favorite past time of mine. And this particular friend has similar sensibilities to me but very different thoughts on things - which makes it a lot of fun to talk to her. But I never want her to think I am being mean or rude in my teasing - if I am bothering to tease you, it means I love you - if I'm not, generally I think talking to you is a waste of time. (I'm pretty snobby about who I argue with)

So here's the link to the soul searching - I apologize all the time. I say "I'm sorry" constantly. It occurred to me Friday night (and I have worried about it all weekend) that because my pal has heard me say I'm sorry 3 million times since she met me 7 years ago that this apology may not have meant anything - when it really did. I have watered down apologies by my constant sorry. I think that I probably say I'm sorry all the time because my parents didn't really want to have me, got married because they got pregnant with me, and then told me about it my whole life. I think I have been apologizing for my existance my whole life and this probably contributes directly to my lack of confidence that anyone ever really wants me around. Which is totally ridiculous - from a reasonable point of view - as there are people who make active efforts to have me around, so they must want me around. Anyway - I say I am sorry not because I mean it most of the time but because of some undealt with childhood issues. This weekend I have decided to never say sorry again unless I mean it - I have asked my husband to zap me with an electrical bolt - or just suggest I not say it.

Maybe the fact that I have figured out why I say it all the time will be just the prompt I need to not say it again - like when you figure out what that bad dream is about you stop having the bad dream.