Ciao 2009

Life is good. I have a job, a home, a healthy family, nothing to complain about. 2009 was good, 2010 will be even better! Here are my goals:

1. Get healthy. It's time to lose all the weight I have gained since I moved here and then some. It's time to get the body necessary to run around playing soccer and kickball with my children without losing my breath.
2. Be more patient. I oftentimes spend too much energy being annoyed with things I have no control over. I have found infinite patience with my 2 year old because I think she's adorable. I need to find that patience with my students, my husband, my pets, my friends and myself.
3. Be a better scholar. I need to spend more of my professional time doing political science and a little less time teaching and doing service. I miss doing papers, I miss asking questions. It's time to pick up those projects that are waiting for rewrites and get to work on them. There is time.
4. Get together with friends more. It's been a major life change for me to have two children. I have become much more Shrekish and I need to get out more. I need to ask people to watch the kids more and I need to be a better friend and not just squeeze them in when I have time. I need to make time.
5. Stop apologizing. I still do it, I still say I'm sorry all the time. Which makes the real apologies meaningless. I do not need to apologize for everything. I hear my daughter saying I'm sorry for things she has no need to apologize for, and I know she gets it from me. (I've been working on this one for years but this year I am going to do it!)

Blu Ray Stuff is Cool

We are almost all set up here. Just waiting for DirecTV to come and give us our HD box. But we now have internet streaming into our giant television - so we can movies from Netflix and we can get Pandora radio on our surround sound. Pretty cool stuff.

Weird Brushes with One's Past

Once upon a time, many many moons ago, I read the entirety of Sherlock Holmes. I remember lying in my bed at night reading and reading and reading - long before my bad taste in historical romance ruined my reading. I loved Sherlock Holmes. This explains my love for House, my love for CSI, my love for Bones and X-Files. The use of deductive reasoning, the use of forensic science, the use of logic to ascertain what is happening is eminently attractive to me. Data data data.

I had a yearning to go see Sherlock Holmes, thinking it was mostly my love for Robert Downey Jr, but while in the theater I remembered that I knew these stories. I remembered I knew the big bad. I had forgotten how much I knew but clearly my soul remembered and urged me to the movie on an impulse when our other plans fell through due to bad roads. After the movie, which I enjoyed despite the mating rituals of the teenagers sitting next to me, I rushed home and found my old leather bound Sherlock book waiting for me to rediscover him in my bookcase. This book has traveled with me from my childhood - from the house I grew up in to my house in Syracuse to my apartment in Ravena to my flat in Albany to my house in Utah - with my total loss of memory it was in my life. Unfortunately no one wrote in the front pages so I have no idea how I got it or who got it for me.

I am settling in to read it again and am feeling just a touch nostalgic about the fact that my young fingers traveled these pages years ago. I LOVE Holmes.

Morning with New Television

At 1230am last night we fed the baby and finally went to sleep - so the television is in. I think it looks good - the biggest problem was actually the sound system, which is not supposed to be a problem. I offered Paul a beer but he didn't think that would be helpful. We were very worried we had blown the subwoofer that is only a couple of years old - and then Paul realized he had the wires in wrong. Then everything was fine - for everyone.

This morning Lily came down and said "it's too high."

I love children.

Installing the New Television

We bought a new Plasma HD whatever blah blah blah snore television for my husband's Christmas gift. I saved for it, collected donations, and he thought and thought about what to get. It took months of agonizing about this decision.

First thing he suffered serious buyer's remorse. "I don't deserve the television." Seriously? We are in the Best Buy two days after Christmas with a toddler who is newly potty trained and a 3 month old infant. The infant slept, pretty much, the whole time. The toddler had to "try the potty" three times - which entails one of us rushing to the restroom - we have learned to scope out the facilities the second we walk into a store, we know all the restrooms now after years of never having used a public one - saying rather loudly, "try the potty try the potty." The toddler was also dismayed when some IDIOT decided to turn Cars off the televisions and put on True Blood - seriously? Now, I love Eric as much as the next kook, but seriously? She was not happy. Running around the store in her boots, jacket, sunglasses, mittens and hat. You never know when a blizzard with a major sunny day might just blow through the Best Buy. Oh - and - seriously? We're having buyer's remorse now? Who has time for this?

Second thing we broke down the old system. Let me explain this: when I first met my husband I think there were 45 remotes in his living room. You needed 5 to turn on the other 40 which then in some bizarre combination worked the sound, television, cd player, etc etc. I have begged for years for a single universal remote. These pleas apparently are in Swahili because he doesn't ever understand or hear them. Breaking down this system took quite a while. Then my husband read a book while I vacuumed and swept and generally got the areas ready for the new installation. His reading a book didn't bother me as I understand the low frustration tolerance we are working with here and that reading a book lowers his heart rate in preparation for the big project.

Third we built the new television's stand. Apparently these new televisions need magic stands which take 90 minutes to put together and weigh 129 pounds. We will never move this thing again - we will hire big men to move it when we have to move it. My husband and I are very synergistic when we put together furniture - so no big problems, just a lot of double checking the instructions. Because apparently instructions no longer have words.

Fourth he is putting back together the sound system with its 45 remotes. Well, all right, to be fair, I have him down to 5 remotes now. This system has 6 speakers, many wires, a receiver that pretty much could launch a shuttle to the moon and a whole bunch of cables. All of these cables look exactly alike but do many different things. The concern here is we are adding a Blue Ray - I have NO idea why but apparently we have to have one, I guess it will be cool to have Netflix stream directly to our television although I do worry a bit about the potential Post Office ramifications, I mean will people lose jobs? - and who knows what cable we are supposed to use. I have removed myself, because pretty much I am useless at this. I hear from the den low muttering sounds as my husband tries to figure out how all this goes together.

We started this whole process at 7pm. It is now 11pm. And we have yet to turn on the new television which will apparently change my life for the so much better.

Thank God for technology.

Like Granddaughter, Like Grandfather

My daughter opened and put on immediately the wings Santa brought. Then she opened and put on her sunglasses. Then she opened and put on the 10 headbands. She looked adorable.

And I remembered my father's 30th birthday (he was young when I was born so I actually remember this party) and how he opened and put on everything he was given. And his 50th birthday when he opened and put on everything he was given.

Genetics are very interesting...if only I could find one of those photos...

Shopping

With all due deference to my LDS friends, here is my experience shopping in Utah today.

I head out to the grocery store to buy food for Christmas Dinner. We are having roast beast accompanied by all sorts of goodies. I am wearing my iPod listening to fabulous music like Michelle Featherstone and Griffin House and Tristan Perryman (keeps me sane, otherwise I start a running commentary in my head of how many stupid there are in the world). I decide to buy my husband a case of beer for his Christmas dinner. Standing in line I am loading my stuff up onto the belt. I grab (while singing softly the music I am listening to) the case of beer, wrong as it turns out, and it slides down my body in slow motion to the floor where it explodes. As anyone who has ever had a drink in any bar can tell you, drop a bottle of beer flat to the floor and it explodes - not in a glass crunching way, but more in a volcano exploding way. I did that with a case of beer. I proceed to say, rather loudly over the music in my ears, "F &#$ K" - yes, I did. I said it. And just like in A Christmas Story, time froze. And also just like in a Christmas Story, I looked up to see all sorts of old people wanting to wash my mouth out with soap. Luckily there were no children in the vicinity. Then I said "OH MY GOD, I AM SO SORRY."

Then I hunched myself over and slunk myself out of the grocery store (after paying of course) as many many very good Mormon eyes looked at me and thought, that heathen just hit the trifecta: bought beer, said the F word, and then violated one of the top three commandments.

I am so never getting that special underwear...

Ride Home Tonight

Setup: Paul and I drive separately to a party. I drive home the children and he drives home alone. We leave at the same time and he puts the Princess in the van, shuts the door and walks away.

Car ride:

Lily - sobbing: "Daddy, come back, Daddy come back."

Me - feeling badly: "Daddy is right behind us, honey, we're all going home."

Lily - still sobbing: "I sad. Missing Daddy."

Me - still feeling badly but thinking it's cute: "Daddy is in the car next to us, honey, look!"

(much bad driving in which Paul and I try to get her to wave to him in his car)

Lily - not sobbing anymore: "Momma, please play Tomorrow."

Me - thinking we have gotten over the worst of it: "You want Annie?"

Lily: "Yes."

(put on Annie album on nano - thank the Lord for the nano)

Lily and me - at the top of our lungs: "TOMORROW TOMORROW I LOVE YA TOMORROW"

Pictures as Christmas Gifts

I sent to certain people - grandparents, godparents, great-grandparents - pictures of cute children as Christmas gifts. I was worried about the narcissism of that. But the reports are coming in and people seem to be very happy to have received them, so maybe it was okay.

Here is my Christmas wish list:

1. To see my dearest friends, the Bambergs.
2. To get to see Cirque Love in Las Vegas.
3. To get home to Sacandaga for a long sit on the moss.
4. To watch Elizabeth enjoy opening presents at Christmas for the first time.
5. For all my friends to be happy and healthy and for me to have more time to see them.

Christmas in Utah

I'm kind of proud of my heritage. I have traced my family in this country back to the 1600s, when they colonized New York. My grandpa still owns 40 acres of a tract of land that descends from them. We also have a certificate hanging in his house for a tract of 40 acres of land for service in the War of 1812 that some ancestor of mine did. I have ancestors who fought in the French and Indian War, the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, and I have relatives who have fought in every war since. I kind of like this American heritage.

Then I moved west and I felt very American as I did it. As I tell my students, it takes a particular kick in your stride to be the kind of crazy person to move far away from home to make a go of it. Now of course, I did this in the age of internet, telephones, airplanes, so it's not quite as cool as my ancestors who came over from Holland. But - I think it is in that great tradition. I live far away from home - in a beautiful place with native people with their own customs and I try to fit in - maybe I should offer them a turkey at Thanksgiving time...

My family, and my children's family, which of course is larger than mine because it includes my husband's family, don't quite understand this. They all live within driving distance of each other and if they don't, they are desperate to get to driving distance. When they tell me I should move home, I nod and smile, which I generally do for all people's opinions that I am ignoring.

I love it here. I love the mountains, I love the dry air, I love the snow all winter, I love the heat all summer - I love it here. And I have found my own tribe here, so I actually do live near family - just not biological family.

And I have just discovered another thing I love about living here - everyone has to mail you presents, so you have presents under the tree for 2 weeks!! That never happened when I lived 5 minutes from my family, because they all just brought the presents on Christmas day.

Love it here. Love celebrating Christmas with my family here.

Potty Training

I have never washed so many panties with Elmo and Disney Princesses on them; I have never been so attuned to someone else's bathroom habits; here I am potty training.

I do not know why, after potty training, anyone would have more children. This is HARD!!

But she looks super cute in her little big girl panties and clothes. And she's super proud of herself, so while hard, it's adorable!

Things of Note

Some things to note.

• My daughter is wearing panties, having pooped and peed on the potty.
• My son is sleeping through the night - making it from 10pm until 8am the other night.
• My cholesterol is 163 - which apparently is worse than when it was 204 five years ago (I don't quite understand that...but I have to eat more fish and less bread)
• My maternity leave is almost over, I spent 5 hours at work today and it was GREAT.
• My house is surrounded by swirling snow, which makes living in Utah fabulous!!!

Life is good.

Pre School

This is my baby - dressed as a bee on Thanksgiving - because bee costumes are good for Thanksgiving. She is, as people tell me, a character. I fully support her freedom of expression.

Today my husband and I visited her pre-school class to read the children stories. It was kind of like an anthropological visit - to be with the toddlers in their natural environment. And it was fun. First, Paul and I sat in the hallway waiting to go in. The class got back from running around time (I think adults should have this built into their days too, just a 30 minute free for all every day would make lots of people much happier) to head into the classroom for story time. The kids walk back to the room and my baby climbs over every toy on her way. She sees us in the hall, walks right past us saying, hi Daddy and Momma. We follow the class into the room and sit during circle time. She keeps looking at us. Then we read our stories and she claps at the end. Then we all sat in little little chairs and had lunch together. She was great - her friends were great. At one point she tripped and fell into one of the other little girl's lap and said "Sorry Clara." Clara was not muffed at all.

It was quite possibly the most wonderful 60 minutes I have spent yet as a parent.

But my favorite moment was when we were singing we're going on a bear hunt and Clara yelled out to Paul afterward - "good job Daddy!" Apparently he needed a boost...

High Cholesterol

I have high cholesterol. She gave me a list of numbers and I have no idea what they mean other than my good cholesterol is too low and my bad cholesterol is too high. I asked the nurse if I would die of a heart attack between now and when I go in to talk to my doctor about it and she said no, it wasn't that bad. I have always said that if I had a medical issue I would be much better about exercise and diet - meaning, I am a good patient. Whatever my doctor tells me to do I will do, so if I were to be allergic to sugar, I would never eat it again. That day has come, I have now officially been diagnosed with a problem due to my bad habits. I don't want to die young and I don't want heart disease. So it is time to get my arse in gear and get in shape. 2010 will be the year of getting healthy. No more snacking at night. No more desserts. No more not working out. I plan to beat this cholesterol thing with no drugs - good diet, good exercise, and good behavior.