My Cousin has Died

I received a call this morning from my mother to tell me that my first cousin once removed (my mother's first cousin) died of a heart attack in the night last night. She was 66 years old. I am very sad. My mother is devastated. And there is nothing I can do. If I lived at home I could drive to my mother's house and give her a hug...these are the ways that living so far away hurt sometimes.

I, being somewhat spiritually bent, know that somewhere Josephine is being initiated into the afterlife. My grandfather and his four brothers (which includes Josephine's father and her four uncles) have probably welcomed her and are showing her the ropes. I imagine she has reconnected with the baby she lost and the baby I lost and the baby my aunt has lost and is probably giving them hugs...Josephine was a hugger. I take solace in this knowledge, but I am sad because I will never hear her call me "darlin'" in her Maine accent again. I will never receive another Christmas card with a great letter from her again. I will never be able to turn to her again when my mother is driving me crazy. And I will never be able to visit her home in Maine again and know I am home as well.

My heart is heavy and I am weary of all this loss.