Spidey at the Movies

Yesterday I went to the movies with my husband to watch Spiderman 3. I would have preferred Pirates 3 (apparently Orlando Bloom is particularly yummy, and for all of you who don't know, I wanted Legolas, NOT Strider) but Paul wanted to see Spiderman - so off we went. Here comes the rant.

• Hey White Trash freaks, the movie theater is NOT your trashy, dumpy apartment. Please do not eat your food loudly. Speak loudly. Spank your baby loudly. Oh and on that, white trash freaks, babies should NOT be at Spiderman 3. If your kid can't stand up, your kid can't be at a movie. And if you can't afford a babysitter, trade in the ATV and pay for one so you can go to these movies with the grown ups.
• Hey Teenage Goth Wannabe, kicking my chair doesn't make you cool, you are an idiot entirely on your own with no help from me. So please do not involve me in your pseudo-anti-authority trip. Oh, and if you were truly goth, you wouldn't be at a trendy Hollywood movie to begin with.
• Hey Spiderman 3 makers: COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE MADE A MORE BORING MOVIE????!!! No one went to Spiderman 1 or 2 to see whether MJ loves Peter Parker or whether Aunt May got engaged too early or whether Harry's dad loved him. They went to see ACTION. ACTION! Get a clue.